please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
