I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
