i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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