if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
