apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
