Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
