she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
