i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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