Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
