They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
