hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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