This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
