My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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