My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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