I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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