We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize