I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
