Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
