hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
