U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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