I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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