she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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