Pregnant stripper...not hot.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
