He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
