if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
