i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
