I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
