i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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