i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
