You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
