So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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