glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
