what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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