More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
