how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
