I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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