the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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