My cat gives me a boner
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
