Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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