Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
