just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
