Porn is love you can see.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
