yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
