somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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