life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
