What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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