No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
