where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
