She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
