I love black thongs
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
