I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
