she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
