i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
