Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
