it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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