just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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