The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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