He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Fuck appropriateness.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
