There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
