Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just blew my weed a kiss
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
