Please, let me fuck your mom
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
