Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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