I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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