My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
