I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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