I got chris browned last night
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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