I think i peed on brittanys purse
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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