Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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