Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
