I am puke
Too much gin, very little bucket
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize