I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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