Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
