Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize