Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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