I'm passing your future prison.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
