i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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