I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
