Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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