guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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