I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
