First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize