Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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