You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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