have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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