Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
