He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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