We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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