Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
