Swine flu. Run for my life!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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