Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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